Kicking Off the Holidays

When I was a college student in the not-so-distant past, I made a habit of picking up Yes (“Your Ultimate Valley Shopping Guide”) from the distribution racks that littered the campus. This weekly publication contained more advertising than substance, and what actual content it had was unexceptional (with the exception of Jaimee Rose’s editorial column back in the day, when she shared my affinity for black and white and “The OC”). However, it gave me something to read while riding the shuttle back to the parking lot; for that, I am grateful.

I still get a copy from the local library now and then, and was interested to see the headline, “Comfy flats and big bags for Black Friday survival”. You see, Black Friday shopping is a hallowed tradition for me, which started long before it occurred to the unwashed masses to camp outside of Best Buy overnight and trample innocent Walmart employees in pursuit of $100 off a plasma television. So I was curious to see what Yes would recommend to “keep [my] fashionista cred intact”…

Good thing these shoes are labeled “bargain”. I’ll need that savings to offset the cost of the $328 tote. Those fussy drawstings look like they could pose a problem when I’m digging for my wallet while precariously balancing a pile of goods… At least the irate people behind me in line will appreciate my fashion sense!

Gladiator sandals are the perfect footwear for waiting outside of a store at 3:30 AM. It’s 47 degrees at that hour, but practicality must be ignored when fashion is at stake. Who needs socks? They only serve to hide my pedicure, and Chanel Blue Satin nail polish ain’t cheap!

Seriously, what kind of vain women are buying into this rubbish? Probably the same women who would buy a $1200 holiday flower arrangement:

Whiskey-tango-foxtrot, people?!

Me? On Black Friday, I chose to forgo the advice of Yes while putting together the perfect outfit for storming Babies “R” Us at 5 AM. I was sporting a hoodie from Eddie Bauer (the poofy fleece material adds 10 pounds, but it’s warm) over a long-sleeve tee from the Gap, Old Navy jeans, and Nike sneakers that Pussycat used as a chew toy years ago. Oh, I can’t forget the handbag! It’s from the 75% off clearance rack at Target (while my Michael Kors and Juicy Couture bags languish in the closet due to a dearth of functional pockets).

We scored six boxes of diapers (756 diapers total) and six boxes of baby wipes (2,880 wipes total) for $97.24.  (For my readers sans children: that’s incredible. Trust me.) Not as good as last year, when there was no limit in place and my pregnant self (along with K.) cleared out every remaining box in the place, but I’m content with my Black Friday purchases. Ya’ll can keep your Blu-ray players and gladiator sandals.