Our family (with the exception of Kyle, who has freakishly good genes or something) has been felled by a cold bug. I would say that it is going around, but Kyle has a fit whenever someone employs that turn of phrase, so I’ll just say it’s mighty contagious.

Desperate for a decent night of sleep, I headed to the store at 9 a.m. to stock up on Nyquil, Vicks VapoRub, and that menthol stuff that you put in vaporizers. Target was closing when I pulled up. Encountered the same situation at Walgreens. Reluctantly traveled to Wal-mart, who I swear to boycott at least once a week…but remember, I was desperate.

I was standing in line with my supplies when I noticed a big rack of obnoxious red shirts prominently placed at the front of the store. They were all emblazoned with the slogan, “Beat Michigan” and the Ohio State logo. Not a blue and gold shirt in sight. I am pitiful and suffering and my hair is crazy and I’ve been reduced to wearing sweatpants with a spot of nacho cheese on the leg and I’m getting taunted in a store that is 1893 miles from Columbus, Ohio? What fresh hell is this?

None of this would have happened if I had just stayed out of their stores when they pulled those t-shirts that read “Some Day a Woman Will Be President” on the grounds that they were “offensive” and “against Wal-mart’s family values”. Anyway, you should all watch this movie. Or read this book. Wal-mart is evil, ya’ll.

Oh, and Go Blue!